Ryan 29

Foreword: In 2004, I kept these posts on a separate blog. I wanted a place to write about my true feelings about Ryan that no one else would read. In 2007, I revisited these posts. and decided to add them to the archives. It's part of my past that is worth remembering especially the honesty with which I wrote these posts.

Had a fabulous conversation last night with Ryan. It was late and I hadn't planned on talking long, but Ryan wanted to talk. He told me sweet things like that he really enjoys talking with me and I make him smile. I wish I could have recorded the way he said these things. It was so very sweet. Oh yeah, he also said he was thinking about me while he was cleaning his sink. Not that it's romantic that cleaning makes him think of me, but it IS romantic that he's thinking of me out of the blue. Even more romantic that he told me!

We talked about the differences between men and women. His best example is from when he was a kid. His mother would come home and get upset that the dishes weren't done, but Ryan didn't know he should do the dishes since she never asked. It has to do with the way women assume things and think about things, but men don't. Ryan says that men simply don't talk about things in the same way women do. For example, he went golfing with 3 strangers last weekend. Though he spent 5+ hours with them and talked a bit, he didn't know any personal information about them like what they did for a living. Men simply don't interact on that level whereas women do. Sometimes talking about this type of thing is frustrating because why would it ever make sense for men and women to get together? But Ryan has a positive spin on it - he says he likes talking with me on my level, about deeper things. Men need women in that way.

A couple weeks ago, I was very angry about Ryan. I was angry because he hasn't talked any more about coming to visit me. It makes me feel like he doesn't like me enough and that I'm getting played. So I quit calling for a few days though we did send email. I kinda stewed and got angrier. I found that the more days that went by without talking to Ryan, the easier it was to simply not call. I was very seriously considering telling him that we shouldn't talk any more because having another long distance relationship was stupid. Yet, every time I thought about saying it, I got a tight nervous feeling in my stomach. It was like my body was saying, "I don't want to leave this man. I want him in my life." So after a few days, I called Ryan. It was so good to hear his voice and to know I made him smile. He made me smile. I didn't want to give up this relationship simply because I was frustrated and impatient.

Last night's call was a reminder of how good this relationship is. Ryan is a wonderful man who can have wonderful conversations with me.