Ryan 12

Foreword: In 2004, I kept these posts on a separate blog. I wanted a place to write about my true feelings about Ryan that no one else would read. In 2007, I revisited these posts. and decided to add them to the archives. It's part of my past that is worth remembering especially the honesty with which I wrote these posts.

Ryan and I had a great conversation last night. First we IMed for awhile. There was much teasing but we hit a serious point as well. I'm not sure how it came up, but he knows how jaded I am about relationships (especially long distance ones). He's so positive and just wants it to be fun. I think he's a good influence on me that way. Ryan isn't worrying about where this is going or what it all means. It helps me to try to be the same way. Especially because if I'm honest with myself, I really, really like Ryan. He's a lot of fun and yet he's quite perceptive about me and my feelings as well. Ryan is a lot more mature than a lot of men I've dated. I suppose being married does that to you.

I like that Ryan wants me to be comfortable with him and emotionally open. He doesn't want me to be jaded. He jokes that he's trying to "fix" me so I won't be so jaded. He's teasing, but he's not. And, honestly, I'm far less jaded with Ryan than I've been in the past. Because you never know what might happen. Besides, sometimes it's ok for me to admit that I actually like someone. Even if it means it makes me vulnerable.