Month of May, 2001

Dreams

Dreamt about John last night. It's weird how this kind of thing comes and goes. In my dream last night he was trying to tell me why he dumped me. I think he was also trying to tell me that he was sorry he did it. Wow, talk about internal anguish coming out in a dream! How pathetic am I? I want him so much still (after a YEAR) that I dream that he wants me back. I'm pathetic and completely broken.

TRIP*TiCK

I know you're all wanting to hear about my trip. Don't worry, I will post the whole saga very soon. I'm just too jet-lagged right now. Just know that I had an amazing time. I feel like a whole new person!

Check out my "Southern Horoscope"

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20):You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

Glad that cleared up the marriage thing. Wasn't too worried about it though - somehow deep down I've always known it.

Comments

HOME!!

I'm HOME!!

There really aren't words for how glad I feel.

Keithisms

Keith and I were having a conversation via email the other day. I wish he would get an instant messenger because he is filling up my in-box. In a 3 hour timespan, I got 8 emails! The nice part about email is I can go back and pick parts to post. Too bad he knows this though. ("i'm only funny, b/c i know that i may have anything i send to you "published" at any time.")

Here are my favorite bits:

"i guess i'm not that good of an addict, because i don't really feel guilty about my addictions."

"if my addiction was to go out at lunch and punch every third guy in the nuts, that would be bad. now, being a loser b/c of my addiction to tv, that's something else."

"the site is done by the friend of the guy performing the wedding. the new idea, is, since we're using a "minister" that is ordained on the internet, he should read the service from his palm pilot instead of a bible."

"i never wanted to go the northeast. snow bad."

"just giving you shit. (which is i guess my form of pop-psychology)"

Comments

Airports

Airports are this surreal, alternative world. I've been stuck in airport world for about 15 hours now and am only at the beginning. I will be on planes or in airports for at least another 15 hours. I'm not counting because I simply don't want to know. I just want to be home.

Airport world is so controlled and synthetic. No one is at home here. Everyone is a stranger. The food is fake and too expensive. Wrapped in artificial casings made to take with you. Everyone is carrying something and if someone isn't carrying something you wonder what they're up to. Airport roads go round and round with little sense. They are never the fastest way to get anywhere but go indirectly because of all the chainlink and barbed wire fences. I am now listening to Radiohead which is only making the experience more surreal.

In and around airports you walk. You walk miles and miles as there is no good way to get somewhere directly. You must wait in lines and nothing is comfortable. They put armrests between the seats so you can't lie down even though everyone around you looks like that is all they would like to do. No one is happy. Some escape this world by reading or listening to music. Some talk on the phone or use the internet. Though only the young elite do that. I feel displaced.

The airport hotel last night was fake. I felt like I was in a bad movie only nothing happened to get the plot going. The only thing that broke the monotonay was the cigarette ashes on the floor near the window. It convinced me that someone really had been there and that it wasn't a dream. I wouldn't dream that much detail. None of the light fixtures actually had all the bulbs working. So everything was dim and depressing. The drain in the shower was slow and I ended up standing in three inches of water. I hate that. The ash tray in the hall didn't even have ashes in it. I swear we were in a war torn desert. Supposedly the beach was 4 km away but I think it was a lie. I escaped all of this with a book and music. Sleep also took care of a few hours until I was thrown groggily back into this weird world. It's even worse when everyone is speaking a different language.

Oh to be back in my bedroom again...safe in my own little fortress.

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Quote of the Day

"The porn I like isn't rated X; it's rated AW, as in aw yeah.
- by Robert Benvie, found on McSweeney's

For your surfing enjoyment ...

Check out the flash bits on Mr. Scruff.
I love this egg doing a head spin!
The post office scene...mailing pigs!?

Adam

This is a story shared by a friend. All names have been changed to protect the guilty.

so....i'll take us back to the summer after my freshman year of college. my brother and i [i know i've told you bits of this before, but it's descriptive fluff that i'm enjoying including] had recently returned to the states after a stint in europe. we had been working at an u.s. university's european division performing various tasks such as running massive copiers to data entry to running the switchboards (and placing calls to saudi arabia). we worked with some interesting guys who were more or less living it up there. needless to say, it was an eye opener.

well....some of these guys that we worked with (they were all american, by the way) were known to smoke hash. i had no idea what the stuff was, just that it was taboo in my mind. but my aunt was the one who clued me in to their vice. she did so in relating slice of life tales that they had told her. there was an uncanny openness surrounding the situation and it made me comfortable.

i jump back to my hometown, later that summer. my friend chris (the kid who stole my love in first grade) and i were hanging out at a taco cabana, sipping melted margaritas. somehow, the subject of marijuana came up. i have no idea what possessed me. but i spoke up. "i think if some were offered, i'd try dope"

"i've got some in the car," replied chris, to my amazement. "wanna go?"

my love affair with the herb began. [oh...by the way...i'm adding this cuz it falls in the timeline, sorta, and i like the story] we drove out into the desert (about a 15 min. drive) and parked the car near some railroad tracks. chris pulled out a beautifully hand-carved stone bowl of the darkest green. i figured we'd be smoking from this. but no.

chris pulled out a surgical face mask attached to a long piece of tubing. (his parents, at the time, were independent dental supply sales reps.) this thing reminded me of getting knocked out during the removal of my tonsils at 4 years old. anyway....he plugged the bowl into the tube, said "hold this to your face and breathe," and sparked it up. lessons learned? peer pressure sucks ass...i sought out the weed and i made the conscious choice to smoke it. lesson two? if you're smoking for the first time, make sure you're in the hands of a professional.

right....that was pivotal-moment-in-my-life-numero-uno. that takes us to an evening later that summer in my bedroom. no...the meat of this tale is not served here! my future roommate, jack, our friend jim, and i were hanging out chatting. they were relating to me their tales from the summer and jack began to describe his many experiences with the ladies. he had been at a summer conference for the greek orthodox church. he had met many, many cuties and i do believe one of them was the girl
that...um....well....you know.........

so...jack and jim and i were laughing and joking, but the whole time, i kept thinking to myself. this has to be it . this is going to be my year. you see...only just that spring did i have my first real kiss. i don't count sexually harassing (as it would be seen today) hillary smith in the form of a kiss as my "first kiss." (although, it's taken a few years to come to that conclusion.) so i thought to myself, in true 19 year old fashion, "i'm gonna get laid."

boing! jump to october that year. dateline college somewhere in tx. i find myself sitting in the basement of the dorm. i was sitting on a couch in the 24 hour television lounge. here beside me was a girl, sobbing uncontrollably. before i knew it...she went down on me again.

ok......i skipped some stuff. let's go back a little bit. (and keep in mind that this is my first time.)

i had been enrolled in a geology course and as a result i met and befriended a girl in my lab. she and i would walk back toward the residence halls together after class. we'd joke, i'd make her laugh, and we got to know each other a little better. (i'm absolutely certain i'd recognize her simply by smell. her perfume was very distinct.)

anyway...she had a boyfriend. he was in the military and stationed somewhere else. that, to me, became a non-issue. i really was approaching this friendship as just that and nothing more. well, she and i went out one night to a (can you believe it?) taco cabana. we ate and chatted and got to know a little more about one another. she talked about her boyfriend and i talked about....well...i listened.

we went back to her room and sat up and chatted a bit more and then she changed into a different shirt. after that we walked back to my room and ended up lying on the lower bunk all night. all we did was talk. i knew that she had changed her shirt for one reason - to get my attention. she looked incredible in this shirt. it was white, and loose, yet form-fitting, made of some light, linen-like material. but i kept my distance, the entire time thinking "she has a boyfriend. what is she doing?"

nothing ever happened. nothing really went any further after that night either.

then october came.

i ended up joining her and her roommate and roommate's friend for an evening of party hopping. it was a saturday night and just the night before i had managed to piss her off. well...i really didn't drink much that night. and i can't say that she did either. what i do know is that she had taken a few pseudoephedrine (6, i believe) and from what i
understand this and alcohol are an interesting mix.

well...at some point in the evening we needed to stop for money. so she and i are sitting in the back seat of her roommate's "leCar" (remember those?). while her roommate and the friend are at the atm snatching cash, my geology buddy decides it's a good time to get really frisky. right there, in the car, she more or less starts molesting me! i mean....she had my shorts unzipped and was groping and getting really, really, REALLY affectionate.

luckily for my senses of morality and decency (such as they were at this point) she stopped her groping when the other two hopped back in the car. well....we all headed back to campus. (why we stopped for money, i don't know.) my friend and i ended up heading down to the basement lounge where we thought we'd find some privacy. ha.

there was some other couple actually watching the television. my friend and i sat toward the back of the room. and i'll be damned if she didn't continue to grope and fondle me! i didn't know what to do. it was way too stressful knowing that she had a boyfriend and i wasn't doing anything other than reminding her of this fact. she didn't seem to care. and she didn't seem to care that this other couple was only 5 feet in front of us.

well...the couple finally left. and that's when things got really interesting. heavy petting ensued and she did go down on me. this absolutely blew my mind. primarily because that was the last thing i had expected would happen that night. i think i mentioned her boyfriend again because, all of a sudden, she stopped and began to sob. she was distraught almost instantly, going on about how horrible she was and she couldn't believe what was going on. i comforted her and said don't worry. things
would be ok. i wasn't pushing for or expecting anything to continue. i mean, here beside me was a girl, sobbing uncontrollably. before i knew it...she went down on me again.

i guess i figured all bets were off. i just went with it. i tried to do my own petting, but she actually pushed me away. then she got up on top of me and pretty much started "going for it." we were kissing and groping. she was very aggressive. [side note: i like aggressive girls ;) ] she
asked me what i wanted. FIRST FUNNY HERE: i replied "i want to be inside you." what the fuck kind of line is that!? man...when i told my friends about that one...the railed me! then alice in chains went on to embarrass me even further by including that line in their track "down in a hole." (i think that's right)

anyway....so she starts getting a little friskier. she basically wanted to just start fucking right there on the couch! i couldn't believe it. we were in a public space, the window shades were open, and there had already been one couple in there that night! i refused to go further in there. so where did we go? the bathroom.

well...it turns out the bathroom had a lock, so i figured we were safe. we got in there, locked the door, and pretty much stripped off our shorts. she hopped up on the counter, i protected us, and she pulled me close. there was a little bit of movement and SECOND FUNNY HERE: i said "am i inside you?" i swear to god...i couldn't feel anything. and on top of that, i'd had a three hour hard-on. she'd had me going for that long. well, needless to say, our "romantic" interlude lasted, oh, about as long as it took you to read the subject heading of this e-mail.

god...that was almost ridiculous. there was pretty much no "cuddle" time. we said our goodnights and i walked home. and wouldn't you know it? i had blue-balls! ungh!

well....that's the story. one of the craziest i have, i guess. the mere fact that i lost my virginity in the basement bathroom of a women's dormitory speaks volumes. i don't think i'll share this one with the grandkids.

Camtoons

Check out the camtoons at RedCricket. How were we ever entertained before computers?

Invisible Mode is my favorite!

Santorini

I am in Santorini which is the Greek towns you always see pictures of. The village is built on the side of cliffs overlooking the water. Our ship pulled into the bay, we took a small boat to the shore then a cable car up the cliffs. The view is spectacular...pictures to come. Here in Santorini the buildings are white plaster with blue accents - exactly what we think of for Greece. Everything is beautiful especially the weather.

What a crazy few days I have been having on the boat! The first day was all about getting used to the movement. I did not get sick but at times my stomach did some weird flip flops. I would say that I got my "sea legs" fairly quickly and the rocking is vrey nice when going to sleep. Every night there is a disco and dancing while the ship is going up and down took some getting used to. Last night the disco was on the top deck outside which was amazing. I was in a trance dancing on top of this ship which overlooked a very, very dark ocean. Above us the stars blessed us with their presence. I just couldn't believe that I was dancing on a ship in the middle of the Meditteranean Ocean. It is an experience you MUST have someday. Of course, I'm sore as hell today from dancing very hard 3 nights in a row, but when will I get to party like this again?

We've met a bunch of amazing people on the ship. Everyone is very nice and from all over. It's hilarious to hear something like 8 languages spoken on the boat. When an announcement is made you hear it in English first then followed by at least different languages. The staff on board is amazing - they all speak at least 2 languages fluently! What a great way to learn languages by travelling all over the world.

I've already obtained my goal of seeing crew's quarters though it is not exactly as I thought it would be. I have become friends with Silviu who does all the light and sound things on the boat as well as DJ's in the disco. "I'm with the DJ." The way he explained it to me there are three levels of workers on the ship. There are the captains which have the most power on the ship but have to keep up a certain image. There are the staff who dance and sing and play music and run the tours. Then there is the crew which take care of the food, rooms, and basic maintenance on the ship. Apparently the staff and captains have a lot of freedom to party with the passengers and to have passengers in their rooms if they like. However, the crew has no freedom to do this. They will lose their jobs if a passenger is found in their room or if they go into a passenger's room. So, naturally, I have spoken very little to the crew members. I have made friends with Silviu, like I mentioned, as well as Florian who is a singer, and Iussadi, who is the safety captain. So I've gotten to see their quarters which are much like mine just in a "forbidden" part of the ship. Very interesting to get the inside scoop. I've pretty much given up all hope for being in the crew's quarters because I wouldn't want to get anyone fired. Hopefully before the trip is over, I will be able to see the bridge of the ship and I will feel like I got a complete enough insider's look.

I am in this gorgeous little internet cafe which is currently playing the best techno I've heard all trip. I'm going to have to ask who this is then go buy it (especially if it is Greek).

Yesterday I layed by the pool all day and managed to get a bit of color. Of course, you all know that the first color I get is red but hey, at least it's color. I met a bunch of Italian teenage boys while laying out which was interesting. Italian men have a hard time understanding that just because you are being nice does not necessarily mean that you want them. Different cultures. The day before, we took a tour to see a Greek amphitheater. The way this theater was built into the mountain, behind the stage, it framed Mt. Etna, which is an active volcano in Sicily. Unfortunately our view was obstructed by clouds but I could imagine it. Someday I will come back and see theater performed there. Anyone want to join me?

We have been having a most amazing trip and I can't even begin to cover it all. I'm also a bit tired as I only got 3 hours of sleep last night which seems to be par for the course. A nap by the pool will definitely be in order for the afternoon. Tonight we stop again at another port, Mikinos, which is a hot nightspot. I want to be ready. When this trip is over I'm going to need a vacation from my vacation!

Quote of the Day

"i would also tend to say that addiction doesn't necessarily mean excess (opinion only, obviously - good alliteration). excess TV would have me up til 2 in the morning making me late to work - directly relating/enabling my addiction to sleep. like the more coke to work more to buy more coke."
- Keith Randolph

Wedding Day

Keith and Sarah are getting married today! All day long I'm going to have a smile plastered on my face knowing that two very special people love each other.

Congratulations!

We just got back from

We just got back from a beautiful night here in Rome. We had dinner not far from the Plazzo Nevaro which is a very popular night spot. I had the best tomato cream sauce pasta! We stopped for gelato...I had lemon and mixed berry. Such strong, immense flavor! Then we walked to a very famous fountain that I can't remember the name of right now. The myth is you toss a coin in the fountain and you will someday be back in Rome. I sure hope so. The we walked to the Spanish steps which is a very popular hangout for young people at night. Of course it is Friday night here so there were people everywhere singing and talking and drinking. If I weren't so tired, I would have liked to hang out all night long. The walk back was wonderful, it has cooled off and everything is so beautiful in the dim lights. Now I am going to tumble into bed in order to get up early and see Vatican City before we leave for the cruise tomorrow afternoon.

Limmy.com

A very fun, interactive site...Limmy.com

Comments

So I just finished my

So I just finished my first day of sightseeing in Rome. There's just not enough time! I don't think I could live here a whole year and still see everything. But I'm trying to enjoy what little time I have here because it's all I have. Heck, I'm young, I'll be back someday.

The thing that has really struck me about this city is the way the new and old are melted together. All of Europe is this way but nothing quite as strong as here in Rome. The ruins and the churches and the streets, all filled with cars and scooters and people wearing new, hip clothes. It's amazing how beautiful the mix can be. If I won the lottery, I would definitely rent a small flat here and spend all my days in the streets. I'm not sure I could enjoy all of it in a lifetime.

I am in Rome, Italy!!!

I am in Rome, Italy!!! We just got to our hotel after hours and hours of travel. Whew, but it is worth it. My family is getting cleaned up before we get dinner. I can not wait to eat pasta and pizza true Italian style! It is gorgeous weather here though it is humid. I am sure I will adjust soon. No airconditioning this time of year here...too early. Ran into a woman from Utah in our hotel. She said the rooms were horrible. When I saw my room I could not have been happier! It is big, clean, and beautiful. But then again, I have stayed in rooms in Guatemala that only cost 7 dollars a night...now that is a cheap room. (And you get what you pay for.)

Well, I am off to dinner. More updates later since we will be here a couple days. Do not have any idea what is on the schedule but lots of sightseeing I am sure!

va·ca·tion n. 1. A period

va·ca·tion
n.
1. A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation, especially one
with pay granted to an employee.
a. A holiday.
2. A fixed period of holidays, especially one during which a school, court,
or business suspends activities.

Comments

35 Hours and Counting My

35 Hours and Counting
My vacation is finally in reach!! I will be on a plane to Rome in approximately 35 hours. Oh my god, can I really wait that long?

This vacation is sponsored by the Lucci parents...who spoil me rotten! (This was the completely unexpected Christmas gift which beats out all other Christmas gifts!)

We'll be spending 3 days in Rome. This is my first trip to Italy so I'm VERY excited to finally see some of the art I've studied so much about. Then we are taking a 5 day cruise through the Greek Islands. Don't ask me where exactly because I don't know. But I don't care! This is vacation and I plan on enjoying every minute by taking the least amount of responsibility for anything. All I know is I plan on soaking up all I can about Greece, getting some sun, reading some books, and eating to my heart's content. We will end the trip with a day in Pompeii before my family has to drag me kicking and screaming back home.

So while I'm gone, Dave will be posting for me. Thank you!

Conversation with Dave Dave: the

Conversation with Dave
Dave: the funny thing is that I probably WILL be the first to know
Me: is that so funny?
Dave: it's pretty funny
Me: you're funny...looking
Dave: I'm rubber you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you
Me: and i'm in junior high all of a sudden
Dave: why don't you act your age, not your shoe size?
Dave: your mom
Dave: I know you are, but what am I?
Me: Dave, are you getting anything done?
Dave: cut you so low, you have to look up to look down
Me: that's a new one for me...but i'm sure you can throw in some short joke along with it
Dave: how's the weather down there? (lame)
Me: EXACTLY
Dave: shall I launch in to mom jokes, now?

No, please no, while I still feel like I have a life left. But that's what I get for starting it.

Weekends are Supposed to be

Weekends are Supposed to be Like This
I had an absolutely wonderful weekend visiting Adam in Houston. Though it wasn't long enough by any stretch.

Friday night we just hung around Adam's apartment and caught up. We had a late dinner at Mai's, Houston's favorite late-night Vietnamese restaurant. Saturday we went to the museums I mentioned Friday as well as the Houston Center for Photography. Spent the afternoon hanging around Adam's house. That evening we went for sushi then went downtown for drinks. We stopped by my old haunt, Tonic, where I saw some old friends. We went to Warren's which was recommended by Adam for their strong drinks. (It lived up to the recommendation.) Eventually we met up with Kelby, a high school friend of Adam's who was in town for the night, at No Tsu Oh. It was a fabulous evening all around. Sunday we had lunch sitting outside a cafe before I drove back home.

Here's the by-now-familiar run down of significant events.
• I only got honked at once during the road trip...this is significant because I usually get at least 2 honks from truckers for a trip this distance. Must be my bright red car.
• Adam has some really cool lighting in his apartment (which makes me think he's a big Player. He assures me this is not the case.)
• I didn't touch a computer all weekend, despite Adam's being readily available - this is a breakthrough in my technological addiction!
• While out for drinks Saturday night, a man, dressed much like the Dali Lama but who was talking on a cell phone, drinking liquor and wine simultaneously, told me that Adam and I were a beautiful couple. He said he couldn't help but notice our "energy" when we walked in. Wow, cosmic.
• Adam and I went to the new Beck building at the MFAH. It was absolutely amazing but what really struck me was the waterfall in the cafe. I felt it should be more visible from the outside of the building. Adam helped me realize that it was just perfect for that space. Isn't it cool when your friends can teach you stuff?
• We pigged out on sushi Saturday night which was a major treat for me. I think our waitress thought I was crazy when I ordered a practical boatload for the two of us.
• Shawn, my police friend, is getting married! I've only been away 9 months and look what happens!
• It was great to meet Kelby, an old friend of Adam's, and catch a bit of Adam's history.
• Adam opened the car door for me all weekend long. What a gentleman! The feminist in me must have been on vacation.
• The best part of the weekend was how comfortable Adam and I were together...just like two old friends.

TGIF My day isn't dragging

TGIF
My day isn't dragging as badly as I thought it would. This morning was extremely productive. I painted my nails (fingers AND toes), labeled photos from Austin, hemmed a pair of pants, and actually did some work work in between. I'm already on the downside of my day!

Going to Houston for the weekend. Ahh, my old homestead. I lived there for a whole 12 months - August 1999 through August 2000. Believe it or not, but there're only 2 people I used to know that I would actually consider calling. April, who was my closest friend while I lived in Houston. April and I haven't talked in months. She's a bit younger than me and I don't think realizes yet at this point in her life how important friends can be. No biggie, I still care about her and know we will someday be in each other's lives again. Ngis (don't ask me where his name came from I'm still confused) is only a partial friend. He was a bartender at Tonic, which was my usual haunt. We met the first time I went there and was part of the reason I kept going back. Ngis and I always had some sort of weird tension between us that I believe was sexual but never acted on so I can't be sure. He's a good guy deep down but only when you look really deep.

Anyhow, I'm not going to contact either one of them this weekend because I will be visiting Adam this weekend. We don't have a lot of plans as of yet. The plans we do have revolve mostly around eating. We're going to my favorite sushi bar as well as my favorite Vietnamese restaurant. Hopefully we'll also make time to go to the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston and my favorite, the Contemporary Arts Museum on Saturday. I'm really looking forward to the weekend.

Thanks, Adam, in advance for having me.

I need a vacation! Not

I need a vacation! Not even the Internet is interesting today.

The Graveyard of Lost Messages

While IMing (Instant Messaging) today Jason asked,
"Where do you suppose instant messages go when they are lost in the system?"

Jason answered his own question.
'I think that the NSA probably grabs them...and then has them stenciled on the all missing left socks in some sweat shop overseas and then trades them as "stylish Americain clothing" for oil in then middle-east. It's be a shame to think at all those bit and bytes, carrying happy messages between friends and loved ones, simply died an atheistic death in some capacitor somewhere. I'd like to believe they go somewhere else..."

I think...
Hallmark grabs them and turns them into greeting cards.
They get turned into the spam email no one reads anyhow.
They are what makes your system lock up.
The NSA gets them and sends them to their employees to raise self-esteem. (Afterall, how good could you feel about yourself if you worked for the NSA?)
That's where personal ads come from.

Relationship Thoughts I'm sick of

Relationship Thoughts
I'm sick of feeling that just because I'm 20-something, have a degree and have a job that the next step is to settle down and get married. Fuck that! I am going to live my life without that kind of pressure. I can and will be happy without a significant other. People come into my life at times to teach me things and to make me happy. That is exactly what I'm going to do...learn things and be happy. And society can fuck off with their marriage pressure, because I'm not going to buy into it!

Weird Oh my gosh, I

Weird
Oh my gosh, I just walked by the office and saw Dad reading my blog! Weird.

Hi. My name is Erica

Hi. My name is Erica and I'm a chat-aholic.
Let me start with some background. When I was a freshman in college, before the Internet really existed, I was introduced to IRC (Internet Relay Chat). Some of you probably know it, kinda like BBS's, but unfortunately not as cool. Anyhow, I got sucked in. BAD. I would stay up until all hours on the night talking about nothing with people through the computer. I would be exhausted day after day but I couldn't stop. It was exciting and interesting, and I was addicted.

Eventually, chatting on the computer lost it's appeal to me. I don't know if I found more friends or if I got too busy with school or if I just couldn't live without sleeping (you know how much sleep means to me). But I stopped. Since then, I've chatted on and off but nothing to the extent that freshman year. These days I only chat to keep up with my friends in other places and it's just like talking on the phone only cheaper.

Well, that was up until Monday.

Monday I discovered video chatting. It's just like a traditional chat room (now isn't that a funny thing to say?) except that you can watch up to 8 people at the same time you talk with them. This is, of course, assuming that they have webcams, which most do. Let me just confess that the voyeur in me LOVES this. I absolutely love watching people, especially perfect strangers. And while I'm confessing, I guess I should say that I don't mind being watched too much either. Don't get the wrong idea, this isn't a kinky thing for me. Though there are a lot of people who are naked or want to see naked people, I don't join in. I just can't. It's not sexy or romantic or naughty. It's just bodies. (And usually bodies of older men...not my thing.)

The thing that really gets me is being able to have a conversation with a stranger AND being able to see them. It's like walking up to someone in the mall and just having a conversation. Except we have the padding of the computer to make us comfortable. You don't have to talk. You don't have to watch. And you can always hang up when you've had too much or get offended or are bored or just don't care. It's all in fun, at least for me.

I think one of the major reasons video chatting is so much fun for me is because I'm young and cute. (I'm not saying I'm beautiful or drop-dead gorgeous...just cute...I'm not that far disconnected from reality...yet.) The past two days I've gotten a lot of attention from men all over the world because I am young and cute...and they can see me. What an incredible ego boost this is for me! Perfect strangers finding me attractive...not something I get to experience very often. I mean, when was the last time someone came up to you in the grocery store and said, "You've got a great smile!"? See, that's what I mean by the computer "padding" - people feel comfortable saying things they wouldn't normally say. Of course, this has a negative side to it too. When was the last time a perfect stranger asked you to take your clothes off?

So I've gotten sucked in. I feel addicted. I think about going home to chat. I think about the people I chatted with yesterday. I have an overwhelming desire to watch people and chat. And I haven't done anything very productive since I discovered video chatting! It makes my heart beat faster. I want it like I wanted alcohol after the first time I got drunk...a desire that is deep in my belly. And I don't care about anything other than video chat!

Ok, I'm not that bad but I could be.

This addiction will probably be like many other addictions in my life - short lived. I simply do not have an addictive personality. After the first time I got drunk, I wanted alcohol so badly. So I drank a few more times and it wore off. Even in the height of my college drinking career, I found the depth of my alcoholism...it's about 4 drinks deep. And just like when I first fell in love with chatting, this too will wear off.

But in the meantime, like any good addict, I will video chat and feel guilty about it the whole time.

What are YOU addicted to?

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Email Bits Me: "Hey, tell

Email Bits
Me: "Hey, tell me about Sarah...I haven't heard too much other than everyone thinks she great for you."
Keith: "...she is my foil, b/c she's overly nice and cheery and giggly..."
Me: "She sounds perfect for you...You need that, I think."
Keith: "what do you mean "yeah, she's probably good for me?" i was nothing but upbeat and fun when you met me (be it dulled a bit on the blades edge)"

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All is quiet in the

All is quiet in the office (even the air conditioning is off). The only thing I can hear is the guy in the next cubicle clipping his fingernails. Can't you do that at home?!

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Summer wrote last night after

Summer wrote last night after reading "Meaning of Life?".

"I have been waiting for your thoughts on life's purpose and went to your link. Low and behold in the right hand corner blocking your title is a geocities ad saying "click here and win $10,000 with jobsearch" How fucking appropriate. AHHH there is no relief from the brain-washing 'affluenza' epidemic.
never the less at least we understand...."

So, so true. I've considered moving the page, but somehow, I think it's better to leave it.

when will I find the

when will I find the right one?

www.explodingdog.com

The weekend is over already?

The weekend is over already? Where did it go? It was storming on the way to work this morning. Hopefully that is no indication of the week I'm about to have. At least the lightening was beautiful. Scary but beautiful. I was hoping that the electricity would be out when I got to work this morning since some of the street lights were out. But it was just as hopeless as wishing it would snow so I could miss school. So here I am at work...not working. I'm writing an overview of the weekend to make it officially feel like Monday.

Friday
Didn't do anything too interesting other than get ready for Summer's bridal shower. There was a CRAZY storm that night and I kindof found myself out in it. But I ran into my sister in the grocery store which made me feel better. At least the tornadoes weren't where we were...just close.

Saturday
Threw an awesome bridal shower for Summer Star! It went way better than I had expected, and everyone really enjoyed themselves. Summer got lots of cool stuff.

• What's up with getting a 40 piece dinner plate set that she hadn't registered for!?!
• My mom made the best quiche! I need to get that recipe to impress all my friends.
• Thank goodness for mimosas in the morning to take the edge off!
• One of Summer's grandmothers is almost certifiable. She's definitely looney. We're just hoping Summer doesn't inherit it from that side of the family. (I'm just teasing you, Sum!)
• Greg's mother is so wonderful...I wish I could marry into that family. (Hey, Greg, don't you have a brother?)
• I learned that you should give a penny when giving any kind of sharp gift, like knives, to symbolize you don't want to sever the friendship.

Pictures to come soon.

That afternoon, Summer and I shopped for bridesmaid dresses. We found exactly what she wanted (without spending $400)! The funniest part of the day was being asked in one bridal shop if we were looking for prom dresses! Do I really look that young?! (Don't answer that!)

Saturday early evening, I unwound with Adam on the phone. It was a great time to lay in bed and just talk. Then later that evening I went to a party with Greg and Summer that some of her friends were throwing. By that point I was exhuasted and didn't stay too late. I had full intentions of going to bed at a decent hour but got sucked in by the magic box. How did I become such a geek so quickly?

Sunday
Woke up too early so I stayed in bed for a bit. Talked to Karen who needed some TLC. So I brought donuts by her house, and we took the dogs for a run. It was an absolutely gorgeous morning.

White Trash Bar-B-Que *
That afternoon I attended the highly anticipated White Trash Bar-B-Que at Billy's house. Had lots of fun!

• Paul and Blake win the awards for most white trash. They both had on dark dress socks with sandals. Paul had an old Willie Nelson shirt. Blake was styling in the tie-dyed tank top from 8th grade. (Though I don't think either took home the can of baked beans for a prize.)
• There was definitely something weird about all these white trash looking people talking on cell phones.
• Billy and Scott and Dustin (and whomever else I'm missing) did a GREAT job with the food! We had bar-b-que for thousands.
• Dustin saved it from being a complete meat-fest and grilled some aspargus. It was wonderful!
• Judd took some cool pictures that I'm looking forward to developing.
• Jackie and I talked about how tough it can be with a boring job. At least work picked up for her...maybe that will bring me good luck.
• At one point, Dustin handed me a phone and low-and-behold, Keith was on the other end! It's cool he was there without really being there. Damn it, I wish Ohio was closer!
• Shannon and Scott got in a beer fight briefly. But it was all ok after Dustin and Blake(?) cleaned her up with their tongues. (Who got a picture of that?!)
• Paul was in rare form...he was hilarious! Did someone slip him something? Or is that just a side of Paul I haven't seen before?
• Paul's sister is GORGEOUS...if only I was less into men.
• Ends up Leslie, who is dating Judd, went to my high school and is good friends with one of my roommates in college. Weird how small the world can be.
• You know it's a white trash party when you open the cooler and all there is to drink is Schlitz, Pearl Light, and Big Red!

*Disclaimer - I realize that by going to this a white trash party, I am being very politically incorrect. However, I'd like to say for the record, that my intentions, as those of everyone else there, are completely in fun and not malicious in any way.

More Photos! Adam sent this

More Photos!
Adam sent this one of Keith.

Keith sent me more photos.

Keith sent me more photos. Actually, he sent a WHOLE album! But I'm just going to share this one of Judd. Gorgeous.

Naked Women What's up with

Naked Women
What's up with photographers who always use naked women as subject matter? I love photography. And I love naked women. However, looking at this page just really pissed me off today. Maybe it's just me today. It just blows my mind that this guy considers himself a "fine art photographer" and he has no like 3 photos of men on his page! And they're not young and attractive like his female models! Man, get some equality in your work...it looks as if you need it in your life (which is scary).

On a more positive note, he's got nice photos and GREAT page design (too bad he didn't do it himself).

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LUCCI HOUSE-A-RAMA!!! Guess who's moving?!

LUCCI HOUSE-A-RAMA!!!
Guess who's moving?! ME! ME! ME!

I know a few of you know what's been going on with the house hunt but I haven't said much because I didn't want to jinx it. But now it appears to be happening for real!

So here's the short of the long.
• Since November or December of last year, my parents have been talking about buying a duplex and renting it out to my sisters. They never found one and the idea basically disappeared.
• Two weeks ago, Kristen (younger) and Mom started talking about living spaces. Kristen has her own apartment as does Karen (older). ( And of course I live with Mom and Dad.) Mom asked how the three of us would feel about living together.
• Kristen liked the idea and brought it up with me. I agreed. We talked to Karen who was also game.
• Mom and Dad decided to buy a house for the three of us to rent from them. (Which was why this whole thing started anyway.)
• I agreed to head up the search and we saw our first house last Friday.
• Wednesday I saw 3 more houses and knew I found "the one." It needs some work but the floorplan was perfect!
• I dragged everyone else to see it (a couple times) and after much talking, my parents decided to make an offer.
• The offer they put in last night was accepted this morning and as soon as the papers are signed we've got a house!!!

I'm SOOOO excited!!! Living with my sisters is going to be an excellent addition to my life!

Summertime!! I just spent the

Summertime!!
I just spent the afternoon with Summer. It wasn't long enough. It never is. When you're with your best friends time just slips away. I wish it was like when we were in high school and we had nothing but time. Alas, we're "adults" now. But I'm thankful that we got the hours that we did. Time to shoot the shit and relish a friendship. A friendship that will never go away and will always make me feel like everything in the world isn't so bad afterall. Summer is my soulmate.

Slow

So work is SLOW today. I've been bumming around on the net all morning. I'd share some links but I haven't found anything worth sharing. I talked to Kristen, my little sis, on the phone today. Then I talked to my mom and made some phone calls for her. Now I'm counting down the minutes until I get out of work.

Bob just said that The Mummy Returns comes out tomorrow. Anyone want to go to the movies?!

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Keith, who I just

Keith, who I just met this weekend, saw my blog (per Karen) and sent me the nicest note. He attached this awesome picture of him and his mother. I had to share it!

All I can think about today is seeing Summer this afternoon. She flew in last night and we're hanging out after work. It feels like forever since I've seen her and we have so much to catch up on! I just know this day is going to drag because I'm so anxious.

Yesterday Shawn, a friend at work, and I were talking about weird social situations that arise at work. Here's a slice.

Don't you hate it when?
• You're going through a door and you can't tell if you should hold it for the person behind you because they're not quite close enough for it to be obvious but they're not far enough away to know it wouldn't seem rude.
• Same thing as above only with elevators.
• When you're walking towards someone and you both veer to the same direction to avoid the other person. Then you veer back the other way just as they do the same. It becomes this awkward dance when all you wanted in the first place was to not walk into them.
• You're not sure if you should make small talk in the elevator with a complete stranger.

Want to add to the list?

I just woke up to

I just woke up to "Not Enough Time" by Duran Duran. Isn't that the truth?!

I think I was dreaming about HTML. You know you're a geek when...

Silicon Pines for the Technilogically

Silicon Pines for the Technilogically Impaired
"Sometimes referred to as "Homes for the Technically Challenged," Assisted Computing Facilities, (ACFs), are modeled on assisted living facilities, and provide a safe, structured residential environment for those unable to handle even the most common, everyday multitasks."

Memory Dave and I were

Memory
Dave and I were having a conversation about memory today. He impressed me by remembering the address of a childhood home in Wichita Falls, Texas. I think he was trying to prove to me that he once lived in Texas (before California completely warped his mind). I grew less impressed when he couldn't remember the addresses of more recent dwellings. His excuse was safety. Apparently, it was more important as a child to remember your address in the event you got lost than when you're an adult. There's something wrong with that theory, but I'm not going to argue with Dave...I'll lose.

Talking about memory made me think of two stories. So get comfortable. Don't worry, these are short.

• When I was in 4th grade, I attended private Christian school. Being a religious place, we had Bible memory tests every week. I have no idea what the point of that was but we had to memorize a verse or two every week. Then on Friday we would get out a blank sheet of paper to write it down on. I hated this. With. A. Passion. It never made sense to me that I should have to memorize something I could just look up. But I was such a conscientoius student that I would memorize these things just long enough to get an A on the test. Well, one week I couldn't do it. I don't know if I was burned out or if the verse was long or what. So I decided to cheat. Let me just say that I'm a horrible liar, cheater, swindler, etc. and I got caught. Sweet, sweet Mr. Ratzliff didn't send me to the office like he should have. Instead he put me out in the hall with a new sheet of paper and I failed the test. The humiliation was enough that I never cheated again. The irony is that I wouldn't be able to recite a Bible verse from memory if someone offered me a million dollars.

• I can remember in college being at some bar with my friends. One of the patrons was so drunk that they asked him to leave. Of course, the bartender called a taxi to expedite the process. In preparation for dumping this guy in a taxi to get rid of him, the bartender was asking his home address. This man was so drunk that he had absolutely no recollection of his address. He was gurgling and mumbling a million different things. But none of them were his address. Who knows how he ever got home.

Ok, I finally typed up

Ok, I finally typed up my ramblings on what the meaning of life is. It's not particularly well written and I didn't feel like going back to edit it. But it's there if you're curious what I was thinking about.
Meaning of Life?

Quote of the Day "It's

Quote of the Day
"It's the media that makes us think everyone's a millionaire."
- Adam Gallagher

I'm feeling like my life

I'm feeling like my life has been a bit superficial the past few days. Not enough time to have real conversations with people. I desire REAL conversation. This is my tragic flaw. I desire meaningful conversations with the people around me and when I don't get them, I am sad. This weekend was great. I saw a lot of people and had a lot of conversations. But they weren't as meaningful or personal as I would have liked. But that's how it is when you're getting to know people. It's impossible to expect them to open up and share every little thing they're thinking. Even though that's what I desire. Yet I don't offer my thoughts so openly either. I'm afraid to say more than people want to know. I'm afraid of being rejected. I'm afraid to admit that I'm not particularly happy most of the time. But I wouldn't judge my friends if they showed me exactly who they are. I wouldn't want to quit hanging out with them. So why do I want something out of my friends that I'm not willing to give? Good question. So maybe it's time for me to get on the phone tonight and tell some of my friends how I really feel...to have a real conversation.

From Tin Man "So I

From Tin Man
"So I say that to him, all of that. But he's like a paper towel. No, a sponge. He's like this big sponge, this big spongy wall that absorbs everything I'm saying and dissolves it. Okay, I guess he's an acidic sponge."

"I think in some ways

"I think in some ways time is linked to emotions. Maybe the more emotions a person experiences in thier daily lives, the longer time seems to feel to them. As you get older you experience fewer new things, and so time seems to go by faster."
- Jason in response to my last post.

It's already May 1st

Can you believe time goes so fast? Especially when you're not having a particularly good time? That's a little more sad that I intended it to be. I just hate it when people say "Time flies when you're having fun." And what, like it totally drags when you're not? Doesn't time always move at the same rate? I just know that the older I get the quicker the days seem to go. Mostly because I'm trying to fit a billion things into the 16 hours I'm conscious. When you're a kid, you've only got 2 or 3 things to fit into that block so it seems to go slower.

So I was writing email to Autumn this morning and it occured to me that the end of this month will mark a year since John broke up with me. We will have officially be apart longer than we were together. Why does it still hurt?

Summer's bridal shower is Saturday! I'm excited about seeing her and throwing a party for her! Though who knows how this thing is going to work since I've never thrown a bridal shower before. I'm not too worried because I LOVE being a hostess. Actually, that's how Summer and I got to be friends. Are you ready for a story? Well, get comfortable because here it comes.

Around November of my junior year in high school (1993), a new student entered my honors English class. I can remember her wearing a long, floral skirt, t-shirt, and a pair of Doc Martins. She was so cute! I can remember looking at her across the room and thinking I needed to get to know her. A few days later, we were in the library working on junior themes when she came to my table to ask some questions. (Of course I was sitting all alone because I was fairly anti-social at school but that's another story.) So we talked a little bit and I realized she was cool. At the time I was planning a Christmas dinner party, which has became tradition for me, but this was the first. Since most of my friends at the time were guys, and all of them were single, I didn't think it would hurt to invite another female. So after talking to Summer only once or twice in class, I invited her to my party. I can remember giving her directions on the phone and her mom dropping her off at my house. We sat together at dinner and instantly hit it off! Plus, all my guy friends LOVED her. How could they not? She was so cute and so much fun! Summer and I are soulmates, and I am so lucky that she showed up in my English class my junior year in high school.

Now it's been 7 years and a half years that we've been friends. I am so blessed.

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