Long Distance Relationships

A few weeks ago, I was reading Arnie and Sarah's sites. They're in a long distance relationship. He's in Chicago and she's in Boston. It made me think about long distance relationships, the fact that I'm in one now, and have been in a lot of long distance relationships in the past. I am the queen of long distance relationships. In fact, when I'm feeling superstitious, I think that maybe I was born this way. I was born so that the only good relationships I'll ever be in are with men that live in another place.

Jim - Texas to Ohio
(My First Kiss)
Jim and I met during a summer service project. He was from Ohio, I was from Texas, and we were in Tennessee. The romance was only a couple days long (maybe less than that), but the kiss lingered forever. My first kiss was just like the movies - tons of romance and tenderness. I think I was very lucky that way. We wrote letters and talked on the phone for years. My parents even took me to visit him in Ohio once! I think it was the start to a life full of long distance relationships.

Graham - Arlington to north Dallas
OK, Graham wasn't really a long distance relationship, but almost. He lived in north Dallas and I lived in Arlington, a suburb of Dallas. It was a good hour's drive between us (though if Ky was driving it was only 45 minutes). We made the drive a LOT, especially considering our parents were paying for our cars and gas. I'm pretty sure that if I were a parent, I wouldn't be quite so generous.

Rob - Colorado to Texas
My first year away from home I lived in Estes Park, Colorado. During that year, I came back to Texas to visit Karen at college. I hit it off with one of her friends (though now I have no idea why...we were in TOTALLY different places in our lives). Rob and I must have spent a small fortune on long distance phone calls. We probably only saw each other half a dozen times in person and the rest of our relationship was on the phone. I have no recollection what we used to talk about for hours on end.

John S - Lubbock to Austin
I'll never forget the first time I saw John - at The Hole in the Wall, a dive bar in Austin. It was totally love at first sight. That was a period of time that Autumn and I made the trek from Lubbock to Austin on a regular basis - almost monthly. John and I didn't spend as much time on the phone in comparison to my other long distance relationships. But we always kept in touch and saw each other regularly for awhile. I was always a little disappointed he never came to Lubbock to visit me.

John D - Houston to Lubbock then later Houston to Wisconsin
It didn't start out serious or long distance but I moved away. I think I was really lonely and latched on. It's funny how when you're unhappy you look for someone else to make you happy. But it doesn't work that way...you're the only person with the power to make yourself happy. We tried to make it work between Houston and Wisconsin but it simply wasn't meant to be. I think I swore off long distance relationships after this one was over.

Kevin - Texas to New York
Kevin has a history of long distance relationships too. Maybe that's why it worked so well for us. It lasted two years. TWO YEARS. That's a long time. I wish I had kept count of how many nights I fell asleep on the phone with him. He was so patient with me when I was in grad school and working full time and so completely sleep deprived. It was probably best that the relationship was long distance because I didn't have much time to give to other people. Though, Kevin always got the last hour or two I was awake. I definitely swore off long distance relationships after we stopped dating.

Ryan - Texas to Calgary, Canada
We met at a conference and spent tons of time on the phone after that. I made one visit to Calgary, but he never visited Texas.

Chris - Arizona to Texas
So after Kevin, I vowed to never be in a long distance relationship again. I decided that they're very difficult to make work. If things do go well and you decided to get serious, it's often too hard to change locations for another person, for a relationship. Yet here I am dating a man that lives 1,047 miles away.

While I can't help but think I'm repeating past mistakes, my relationship with Chris is really good. We're happy. We are a good fit in so many ways. I love him and he loves me. All the right components are there for a long term relationship except for the distance. To mitigate it, we see each other every two to three weeks. That frequency is very helpful in keeping a sense of normalcy.

I know that someday soon we're going to be faced with the decision about location. One of us is going to have to change locations for us to be together. We've talked about it and have both spent a lot of time thinking about it. It's hard and nothing is going to make it easier. Part of me wants it resolved so we can get to all the other relationship stuff. But part of me wants to never address the distance for fear its the thing that ruins us. My feelings about this change daily.

It's a good thing that Chris is coming to visit this weekend because when we're together I don't worry so much. I just get to sit back and enjoy. Life has a way of always working itself out and I'm confident it will work out this distance thing out in the right time.

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