"I found you"

He said. How funny, I didn't realize I was hiding. IT Guy found my website this weekend. I had mentioned it in conversation before but never gave too many details. Not that I'm hard to find. Just that I keep a certain amount of distance with coworkers. But it's cool he's now aware of my "other" life. It was funny to hear him comment on how interesting my life outside of work is. Yeah, far more interesting than the one at work, that's for sure. He also teased me about not posting about him ever. I think he's simply overlooked it, but I'm not offering any hints.

At long last...the weekend post
So, yeah, I've been holding out. Kevin came to visit this weekend and I haven't said a word about it. Not like me. However, I've been struggling with how much to write. I feel like Kevin is somewhat separate from my blog world and wouldn't completely mind keeping him that way. But then I had some really interesting email conversations with Max (I'll get to him later) about "putting it out there." I decided it's okay to be honest which means open. So here goes.

Kevin arrived Friday morning early. I stayed up late cleaning the house. I wanted it to look good since this was the first time he's been here. It took us a short while to find each other in the airport now that you can't meet people at the gate. But it was so great when we finally did see each other. I have to admit I felt slightly awkward. We've been talking on the phone since I was up there but it's different in real life. I probably chattered too much in the car on the way home. I do that when I'm nervous. We stopped to pick up kolaches for breakfast before introducing Kevin to the Lucci House.

We spent the day at home talking and napping. I found myself trying to decide where Kevin fits in my life. And feeling a little overwhelmed at having someone like me so much. I'm quite content with my life as things are right now. I don't really need a boyfriend. I've been having fun dating and not being tied to any one person right now. But I realize he wants more from me. So I spent a good part of the first day we were together worrying about it.

That evening we went out for groceries. Kevin chose Wal-Mart since he hasn't been to one in so long. I laughed when he said, "It's so spacious." Yeah, remember what Texas is like? We had probably the most inefficient shopping trip ever, but I didn't mind too much. We had a good time talking and shopping and trying to remember everything. Karen teased me when we got home about all the stuff I let Kevin talk me into buying. She knew it was his influence, because normally I wouldn't come home with a box of Count Chocula. Later that night we ended up cooking stir fry and hanging out with the sisters.

Saturday Kevin woke me up plenty early. I swear that boy doesn't ever sleep. I know when he's at his home he's so busy with one thing or another that he only sleeps 4 or 5 hours a night. But I don't think he ever sleeps much more than that. Maybe he can't. All I know is I'd better have at least 6 or you won't want me around. We cooked breakfast and before we knew it my parents were over. They picked up Karen, Kevin, and I for the Main Street Arts Festival in Fort Worth. We spent a better part of the day there. The highlight was definitely eating.

I saw lots of amazing art. It made me think a lot about all the years I spent thinking I'd be doing art festivals. All the years I felt like art was what I wanted to do forever. I certainly wish I was making art. Not sure how I'm going to act on that yet but it's rattling around in my head. To my surprise, I ran into a guy I knew from Tech. Bob apparently has his own glass studio, RynoGlass, down in Temple, Texas. We talked about what I'm doing these days and I felt like a sellout. Though he mentioned he needs his website redone. Not really something I want to tackle right now so I passed his name on to friends.

Due to the inspiring art, I've decided that someday I'm going to go back to school and study craft. I think making beautiful yet functional objects is more conducive to how I think about the world at the moment. I have no need for beautiful clutter. Dad and I were joking about when he retires he'll get a woodshop. He said I could go to school and come back and teach him everything. How awesome would that be to work with my dad?! Anyhow, we all had a great day walking around the festival even though everyone got a little sunburned.

Saturday night was Karen's birthday party. A bunch of people came to celebrate and I think everyone had a good time. It was a very laid back evening which is exactly what she wanted. It was an interesting, diverse group. Kevin's friend, Meilani, came by with her boyfriend, Derik. They were both very cool. I know Kevin and Meilani have been friends for a really long time but it was hard not to be jealous that she knows so much more about him than I do. Not jealous in a girl versus girl way, but jealous in an envious way. I want to know him like that. After Meilani and Derik left, Kevin and I snuck off to bed. There were still people here but I fell fast asleep and didn't even notice.

Sunday we met Meilani and Derik again for lunch. Kevin requested TexMex since he can't seem to get anything good in NYC. I got to hear how Meilani and Derik met and various other small parts of their lives. I'm so fascinated by this kind of thing - what people choose and choose not to share about themselves. They're both planning on moving to NYC in September. The night before we talked a lot about safety in the city. Seems so foreign to me as I live in my comfy, safe little suburb. Derik wants to go to school for photography and Meilani wants to get into film (since that's what she studied in school).

Of course the question was brought up about me moving to New York. Meilani couldn't believe we were going to date without plans of moving to the same city. "How's it going to work?" she asked in disbelief. I hear it over and over in my head exactly as she said it. My answer is still, "I have no idea." I feel comfortable with the fact that we like each other enough to have a relationship even though the distance means we won't see each other very often. I'm not exactly opposed to the distance since we both have very busy lives. It means I can still be very selfish about my time. It means he can still produce music and stay on top of his internet stuff. It means my family and friends won't get neglected. Kevin is certainly comfortable with visiting on a regular basis; I'm warming up to the idea. Actually, I'm warming up to the whole thing. Commitment scares me. My last relationship, I just kinda fell into the commitment, because we were together all the time. (Then he grew on me, but that's a whole other story.) On top of commitment issues, I have long distance issues. I've done the long distance thing. I know I can do it and I know it can make me happy. But I also know at some point it will make me sad.

Sunday afternoon Kevin and I did some shopping. We hit one of my favorite spots. We also went by Mom and Dad's house for a short while. That night we had planned to go to a movie screening with Meilani and Derik but we opted to hang out at home. It was good. We hung out, talked about relationship stuff. We watched Close Encounters, which I had never seen before.

Monday was more laying around talking. I showed Kevin a bunch of my art. We reminisced about Lubbock and college. We had more TexMex for lunch. It was a gorgeous day so we sat outside. I remember watching the birds swoop down for the tortilla chip crumbs. We went to a book store. Eventually it came time for Kevin's flight. We sat around the airport talking. I thought a lot about how sad and happy airports can be. It's such a yo-yo for emotions. However, my emotions weren't too yo-yo that day. I felt good about Kevin's visit. We had a great time and really connected. But I'm glad I have time to sort things out and evaluate what I'm supposed to be doing relationship-wise in my life. Kevin isn't putting any pressure on me so I'm not going to either. I want things to evolve as they're supposed to evolve. I've thought a lot about the whole situation and I don't really want to think about it anymore. Now I just want to live.

Speaking of Living
Saturday I leave for Las Vegas and the big work trip. Working at the company's user conference. I'm looking forward to being out of the office and away from the usual duties. But I know I'll be working my ass off. I just plan on being as shining as I can and let everything take care of itself. Oh, also in the work arena, schedules are changing. I'm going back to a 5 day work week. Bleh. I'll miss having Mondays off but I keep telling myself how much stuff I can do in the evenings now.

Karen's official birthday is Friday. She'll be 27. I think it's funny that I never imagined us turning out the way we did. Who knew. Tomorrow night Mom's cooking a big birthday dinner. She even ordered a cheesecake since last year when I was assigned to pick one up, I screwed up. Yeah, I still remember it. Karen wanted cheesecake and I somehow showed up with a cake cake. Not one of my best moments.

I feel like I need to wrap up with something clever or funny or emotional or definitive about my "love life" but I can't. I'm going to bed.

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