Civil Email from John

I drempt about being on a beach near a castle. There were two men on bicycles. They looked like they were in a race or training for one. It wasn't warm but it wasn't cold either. I think it was overcast. I don't remember what kind of activity was occuring. It's very fuzzy. I hate it when I can't remember all of a dream.

I got out of bed wondering if John emailed. I wanted to check at home but made myself wait until I got to work. I hate that I've started thinking about him again.

You know what else I hate? I hate people who act like they're never wrong. I work with someone like that. Haven't we all? I'm a fairly non-threatening person (I mean, look at me...I look like I'm 18!) and I always try to be nice when correcting someone. But he just makes me mean because he can't just say "ok" and move on. It always turns into some big issue when it's not. Men! I think he's intimidated by me because I'm young and smart. Maybe I just want to think that. Yeah, I know I want to think it and don't really care if it's right or wrong.

John wrote again. He told me a little bit about his job and asked about mine. I guess the conversation we had around Christmas about my job slipped his mind. Not a surprise...he had been drinking the night we talked. He also sent me a picture of him with a tiger. Fitting since the picture I sent was of my dog, Tiger. I'm glad we're sending civil email but I can't make my mind stop thinking ahead. Like, "does he want me in his life again?" Writing wouldn't be so bad if I knew what his intentions were. I wish I could just ask him whether or not he has any notion of seeing if we could love each other again. He's probably just being friendly because it makes him feel better. How long can I keep rolling over everything in my head like this?